A natural contrarian, my grandfather’s default answer to anything was some version of NO.

If he weren’t so slim, Boomps would have been a dead ringer for Archie Bunker – in looks AND demeanor.

Most of us are exactly the opposite.

We prefer to say YES – and sometimes that gets us in trouble.

Saying YES when you want to say NO feels like a trap. Find yourself in that trap too often and you’ll start feeling resentful and maybe even bitter.

If you can relate, you may have spent some time working on your boundaries and on how to say no without having to explain yourself.

“No, I can’t make it.”
“No thank you.”
“No.”

Here’s the thing – Boomps had unwittingly figured something out – I’ve come to call it Flipping the NO.

“No” came easily to him, and saying it allowed him to create “yes” in a way that caused him less friction.

And because it was easy, it required zero willpower. He didn’t have to practice having discussions (something he was uncomfortable with) in order to have boundaries that worked for him.

“Boomps, can you pick me up at 2:30 after school?”

“Jesus double-h christ – I’ll be on the other side of the state!”

…”Be on the front steps at 3.”

“Boomps, can I have some money to go into the candy store?”

“You GD kids all have holes in your pockets!”

…”Here’s a fin (five dollars). Put it in the bank. We’ll get an ice cream on the way home.”

This same concept will work for all you YES-ers out there.

You’re likely to be more successful at Flipping the YES, because it will come more naturally to you – you won’t need to use up valuable willpower practicing saying no.

Here are a few examples of Flipping the YES that I’ve overheard recently…

“Want to go into the city on Saturday?”
“Of course, I do! This Saturday’s not good though…how about a raincheck?”

“Can I borrow your Chanel bracelet?”
“Honey, I’d give you the shirt of my back, but I love that bracelet more than my first born.”

“My team’s backed up. I need you finish that report for us.”
“Yes, that makes sense, but other deadlines make it impossible. What I can offer is…”

The secret to making this work is OWNING it. If you allow yourself to fall into the trap of worrying about what you should do or what others want, you’ll wind up feeling bad no matter what you choose.

There’s no honor in making things harder for yourself than they need to be. In fact, the more you follow your natural inclinations, the more willpower you’ll have leftover to tackle the really tough stuff.