I do it.

So does she.

And quite frankly, he does too.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in all of my years as a coach, it’s that no matter how completely successful and together someone looks on the outside, on the inside they’re afraid you’ll find out who they really are.

In the professional development world, they call it imposter syndrome. In personal development, it’s referred to as the mother-of-all-limiting beliefs, “I’m not good enough.”

Either way, the important things to know are that they’re ubiquitous, they’re undoubtedly getting in your way, and you can absolutely get rid of them.

Sort of.

When I first started as a coach, I purposefully kept my biggest clients off my email list in fear that, even though they met with me regularly and sent glowing testimonials about how I helped them, reading my newsletter would expose me as a fraud.

Go ahead and laugh. It’s ridiculous, I know.

But until I became aware that it was ridiculous, it made perfect sense to me.

That’s the magic bullet – expose the ridiculousness of the story you’re telling yourself and it pretty much goes away.

So why the “sort of” when I said you can absolutely get rid of it?

Well, because a new version of it is going to pop up somewhere else at some point and you’ll need to shine the ole’ laugh-light on that one.

And the next one.
And the one after that.

Here’s the good news – every time you do it, you’ll get better at it.

With practice, you’ll recognize your imposter or not good enough story for what it is, laugh at yourself, and move on more quickly, with less effort and much less inner turmoil.

So, from now on, when those nasty little stories show up for you:

1. Remember that you are not alone. Someone you know – and countless people you don’t – are either having or have had the very same thought. (Believe me.)

2. Tell yourself (or ideally someone else) the story in your head exactly as you’re thinking it. (No cheating by toning it down.)

3. If you don’t start laughing right away, look for evidence that contradicts the thought. Trust me, if you keep looking, you’ll find it – and then you can have your laugh.

4. Move on. Sometimes this means doing something that you’ve been avoiding, others it simply means relishing the feeling of release.

And PLEASE don’t be afraid to share your stories with others!

My favorite part of running group coaching calls is watching all the faces on zoom light up with recognition and relief when they hear someone they’ve come admire tell her dirty little imposter story.

Those gorgeous moments are what create the kind of cohesive communities that continue to love and support one another long after the program they’re in with me ends.