Words Have Power.

My parents should have washed my mouth out with soap.

If you know me, you probably think it’s because I have a mouth like a f*cking sailor. 

I do. 

But, that’s not what I’m talking about.

As a child, a young adult and, if I’m honest with you, well into my 40s, I was the queen of self-deprecation. I was hilarious while I was telling you what a loser I was.

I thought it would make you like me.

Just like swearing, somewhere along the way I picked up the habit of putting myself down.

I’m not alone.  

My daughter, feeling the stress of being away at college tells me (and absolutely anyone with ears) that she’s “crazy” or “having a psychotic break.”  

She’s not.

Friends tell me what they’re “bad at.” 
Colleagues tell me what they “always mess up.” 
Clients tell me what they’ll “never be able to do.” 

And don’t even get me started on the habit of saying “sorry.”  

Of course, if you’ve done something worthy of an apology, go ahead and apologize for it – but God’s sake, you don’t need to say “sorry” because you happen to have a cart in front of the item I’ve decided to look at at Target.  

The problem with self-deprecating stories, declarations of self-doubt or the ubiquitous “sorry” is that they are habits. They’re things you repeat over and over again without even realizing it.

NEWSFLASH.

Repetition is the way we learn.

All of that repetition is teaching you, and me, and everyone else, what you can’tdo, or that you’re crazy or ugly or stupid or “sorry.”

Being a gagger myself and because it’s downright abusive, I can’t abide washing your mouth out with soap, but I will suggest you kick the habit of putting yourself down. 

This Week:   Start teaching me, YOU and everyone who’s listening, what’s great about you.

Things to be aware of before you begin:

• What we repeat, we learn.  That’s how, as Mike Dooley would say, “thoughts become things.”  That means what you repeat out loud AND silently to yourself.

• Affirmations don’t work.  Well, sometimes they work.  But you’ve got to believe (even a little bit) what you say in order for them to work. The human brain is masterful at sensing deception so the more you believe what you’re quacking, the more powerful it is (for you and everyone listening).

The practice:

NOTICE the all negative things you say about yourself and all the sorrys you throw around every day.

REFRAME those things into a positive (or at least neutral) statement that you believe.  

For example:  

“I’m stressed and crazy!” can become “I’m really feeling a bit stressed and under pressure right now, but I know from experience that that’s when I get the most done.  I’ll feel great on the other side of this.”

“I suck at money” can become “I’m leaning into my rockstar organizational skills right now because this year I plan on doubling my savings account.”

“Oh, sorry…” can become “Oh, I’ll move my cart so you can see that…” (In my case, fake mercury glass candle holder that I don’t need but will definitely buy.)

Just remember that the new framing has to be something that you believe.

REPEAT. That’s it.  You’ll be teaching yourself, me and everyone else just how fantastic you really are.

BIG Love – 

Wendy