I am a woman who….
I’ve been stuck on something lately.
And since my job is to help women get unstuck, I pulled out my toolbox and got to work on myself.
But this particular stuck has been rather stubborn – so I thought I’d share what I’ve learned with you in case you’ve got some stubborn stuck spots too.
This is the story of a simple phrase: I am a woman who….
Like most people the pandemic year has been a whopper for me.
I had JUST moved into a new house and launched a 2nd business in January of 2020 and I had big plans.
2019 had been a grind…
Selling a house – buying a house – preparing to move – getting our youngest off to college and ramping up for the launch of Camp Reinvention all while running a really busy coaching business.
I was exhausted.
By the time 2020 hit, I was settling into the new house, Dana and I were celebrating a really successful launch of Camp Reinvention and I actually found a Pilates trainer I loved in my new town.
I was still pooped, but things were exciting.
Then MARCH came along, and the world shut down.
I had 2 kids coming home from college to completely demolished spaces that were just starting to be renovated.
I had a business model that no longer worked. (Camp Reinvention launched as an intensive live retreat.)
And the Pilates studio I found was forced to close down.
There was a silver lining in all this. We successfully pivoted to an online membership model for Camp –allowing us to offer the program to a much wider audience – and we’re absolutely loving the work.
The less shiny part of this pivot is that over the past 12 months I’ve morphed into someone who sits at a desk for about 60 hours every week and does very little else.
I’m sure you see the problem.
At 53 sh*t rolls down-hill fast and I feel horrible. It’s effected my weight, my posture, my muscle tone – you name it. I’ve gone to pot.
Enter the toolbox.
As one experiment after another failed to stick, I continued asking myself the question, "if that didn’t work, what might have gotten in the way?" Then, I'd formulate my next go.
That’s what I was doing this morning when I got to the question of who I think I am right now.
What is my current identity?
I started a list.
I am a woman who…
Loves big.
Gets things done.
Makes things happen.
Takes care of people.
The longer the list got, the more glaring it became that nothing on there even hinted at "I am a woman who takes good care of herself."
And that’s new for me.
A year ago, that would have been near the top of that list.
Without realizing it, I had become a woman who cancels doctor’s appointments to make space for clients on her waiting list.
A woman who blows off walks on the beach to finish up work projects.
How could a woman with that identity create habits to support a healthier lifestyle?
She can’t. Because that’s not who she is.
If I want the tools in my toolbox to work, I have to be the kind of woman that they work for.
When I talk to clients about this, I explain it this way:
Let’s say I meet two practicing vegans on the same day.
The first one tells me, "I only eat plant-based food." What I hear is, "I am a woman who does not abide animal products in my body."
I know who she is and so does she.
Unless something happens to change that identity – we both know that she’ll remain vegan.
The second woman tells me, "I’ve read a ton of research on the benefits of veganism so I’m biting the bullet. I’ve given up meat and dairy and eggs."
What I hear is "I am a woman who wants to be healthy but also might want a less restrictive diet."
She’s not sure who she is yet, so I know that there’s a 50/50 chance that this won’t stick.
So how DO you shift your identity?
This time for me, it was a simple answer.
Because I used to be a woman who "takes good care of herself" and that identity is one that I was proud of then, and resonates with me now, I simply need to remind myself of it.
"I am a woman who takes good care of herself."
I know the choices that woman makes, and they are different than the ones that pandemic Wendy makes.
As you explore this for yourself, begin with YOUR list…
I am a woman who…
Notice if there are things missing on your list, as it was with me.
Or if you see things that you don’t like. Like "I am a woman who says yes when she wants to say no."
Rework your list until everything that follows "I am a woman who…" truly resonates with you.
Identity has to feel 100% real – it has to feel absolutely authentic.
In the example "I am a woman who says yes when she wants to say no," that might look like "I am a woman who protects her weekends."
Or "I am a woman who stands up for herself."
This is highly personal, and it has to feel right to you for it to be useful.
But what if you’re trying to add something NEW to your identity – like "I am a vegan."
My advice it to just play with it. Take it slowly and don’t judge yourself.
Try it on.
If it sticks, great! If it doesn’t, try a smaller or different version on for size…
For example, if mealtime with your meat-loving family is really important to you and getting in the way of your success, you might try "I am a woman who only eats meat at family dinners."
Maybe the restrictive nature of the goal is making you feel like rebelling, in that case you may try "I am a woman who is highly selective about what she eats."
Again, just play with it until it feels like a fit – then take it out for a spin.
Once you land on what feels really right, remind yourself of it.
Write it in lipstick on the bathroom mirror.
Post-it-note it all over your house.
Pin it up in your office.
Say it to yourself when wake up in the morning and before you go to bed at night.
Let the feeling of pride wash over you each time you think of it. That emotion will drive your choices.
And once it’s part of your identity it absolutely will become part of your life.
Try it.
If you have questions along the way, or need a little help in crafting your identity statements, reach out – I’m always happy to help.