Filp the Fix

BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO BE FIXED

Fixing is at the heart of most relationship conflict. This tool will help you flip it.

relationships, conflict, advice, happiness

Don’t beat yourself up. We all do it.

We see a problem, and we try to fix it. We’re wired that way – and usually, it’s a good thing.

Unfortunately, when it comes to relationships, our instinct to “fix” can not only get in the way of being helpful, sometimes it can be downright destructive.

Again, don’t beat yourself up. We do it with the best of intentions. We really do want to help.

But here’s the thing – when you try to fix someone else’s problem – or worse yet, try to fix them, they usually wind up feeling judged, incompetent or misunderstood. That doesn’t help them, and it doesn’t help your relationship.

So, when you feel that urge to fix? Flip it around first.

Ask yourself, “how would I feel if this person were to give me the same advice that I’m about to give them?” Nine times out of ten, if you’re honest, you wouldn’t feel very good about it.

Now ask yourself, “if it were me, what would be helpful?”

Most of the time, you’ll find that what you’d want is someone to listen – to really understand you before they offered any help. And then, if they did offer, you’d want to feel empowered by the offer rather than judged or pitied by it.

Helpful phrases are:

How can I help?
What can I do/offer to make this easier for you?
I’m sure you’ll figure this out, but I’m here if you need support or want to brainstorm ideas.
That seems rough…we’ve all been there. I’m happy to share the load if you want.
While I don’t really disagree, I’m sure you know what’s best for you and will figure it out. I’m here to help if that would be useful

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