“Where would we put the Christmas tree?”

This had been my response every time my husband suggested living on a sailboat.

EVERY time.

Yet, he continued suggesting it – and I continued digging in my heels.

Why persist?

Paul’s a pretty wily guy. He knows that sometimes I’m measuring what I want (or don’t want) with the wrong stick.

So he tests me by suggesting alternative Christmas tree options.

As it turns out, my not wanting to live on a sailboat has little to do with a Christmas tree and everything to do with what the tree represents for me – the place where my family gathers.

Knowing that, we’ve started having conversations about what life might look like living part-time on a sailboat and still having a home-base on land.

Suddenly, we see possibilities for our future that excite us both.

I see the same problem – measuring with the wrong stick – among women who are itching for a career pivot.

While they’re yearning for something new, they’re subconsciously squeezing future possibilities into their existing paradigm.

This results in them either staying put, or making choices that don’t actually satisfy what made them long for change in the first place.

It’s actually a natural response.

We humans are loss averse – meaning that our fear of loss (in this case what we love about our current lives) outweighs our perceived gains in making a change.

Does this mean that we’re doomed to the grim choice between what we love and what we want?

Of course not.

Just like the Christmas tree scenario – when we start by getting clear about what’s actually important to us, we begin to see possibilities and make choices that preserve what matters AND move us toward exciting new horizons.