How to Know What’s Best For You Right Now

You didn’t hear from me yesterday.

To tell you the truth, I was bone tired – raw even.

So, I decided to break the “rule” and let Mindful Monday be Mindful Tuesday this week. If you’re a regular reader, you know that this happens occasionally.

I could write these in advance and have them filed and ready to go (any newsletter guru would advise it).

But Mindful Monday is something I like writing to you live, on the day I’m delivering it – and so there’s a bit of a tradeoff.

I bring it up because that tiredness inspired me to change the topic I began Monday morning (and abandoned after staring at my screen for what seemed like an hour).

On days like yesterday, I try to be intentional about walking my talk. What would I encourage my clients to consider? What questions would I ask them?

As I’m sure it is with you, it is difficult for me to be intentional when I’m depleted.

All the more reason to tread lightly and without judgement.

It was obvious that self-care was in order.

But self-care can be tricky because the very things that nurture us under one set of circumstances can be a place we go to hide in others.

I watch BBC period films in the tub.
My son plays video games.
My daughter goes down learning rabbit holes (spending a whole day learning the map of Southeast Asia for example.)
My husband zones out on TikTok.

None of those are bad things to do. They offer us things like solace, connection, challenge, and entertainment. Each can be nurturing; each can be self-care.

I stood in my bedroom last night and looked in at the tub, at the stack of books on the nightstand, at the NYT puzzle app on my phone. These are my nighttime nurture go-tos.

I was tired and raw.

The laundry at the foot of the bed was calling me.

“Oh no,” I told it, “I’ve been working around the clock, I need to check out.”

It was insistent. “Fold me,” it whispered.

“I’m tired,” I said as I glared at the heap of now wrinkled clothes.

“FOLD ME!”

“Chores are NOT self-care,” I shouted at the pile.

And then I stopped.

Was I sure about that?

I got quiet.
I took a deep breath and then another.
I let go of should. I let go of the definitions of what self-care is and isn’t.

I asked myself what would truly nourish me in that moment.

I folded the clothes.

I felt better and tuned in.

“Crisp sheets!” The bed was piping up now.

I changed the sheets.

“Come to me,” called the tub. And I did.

This Week: Does it Nurture or Does it Numb?

I have a new rule for you. THERE ARE NO RULES.

Activities are not good or bad. Your choices are not good or bad. They simply serve you, or they don’t. And that changes day to day, moment to moment.

The next time you’re feeling depleted, out of sorts, depressed or just plain icky:

GET QUIET. Be still and breathe.

Consider the options around you. ASK each one, “right now, will you make me feel nurtured or make me feel numb?”

CHOOSE the one that answers “nurtured.”