Once upon a time there was a girl.

She was lovely in every way.
She was bright, and kind, and funny.
When she smiled, everyone around her felt warm inside.

But she couldn’t see any of that. She could only see what people needed – and more specifically, what she could give them.

Each week, the girl would go into her garden and pick a bushel of beautiful tomatoes. She’d walk around the town and hand them to all the people who looked like they needed one.

The people loved the tomatoes and the girl loved the way she felt when she delivered them. Their happiness, in turn, became her source of fulfillment.

Many people came to rely on the girl’s tomatoes and kindness. Some would even ask for more than she offered because the tomatoes made them feel so good and the girl didn’t seem to mind at all.

As time went on, the girl needed a wagon and then a cart to carry her tomatoes. There were so many to pick and deliver that the girl had time for little else. Sometimes, despite her best efforts, the girl came up short.

The people grew frustrated with the girl. They counted on the tomatoes; and she had promised them, hadn’t she?

The girl grew weary.
She felt stuck.
Had she ever even chosen to deliver tomatoes?

She tried to sort it all out.
To make space for herself and discover what things made her happy.
She wished that someone would show up and give her a tomato (or even a carrot).

The girl grew resentful.
“Why am I always the one?”
“Why don’t I get to have any?”

But the people didn’t understand.
She was the tomato girl and they needed tomatoes.
Didn’t they?

If you are a people pleaser or empath, you’ve probably got a serious tomato deficit. Making withdrawals from your own wellbeing to fund everyone else’s happiness quickly comes to a point of diminishing returns.

While generosity is beautiful, unbound giving creates unsustainable expectations and erodes our sense of self. It’s easy to become a tomato lady – trapped in a role you never consciously chose.

Take a moment to ask yourself:
How much of my life feels burdensome?
How often does giving my time or resources feel draining versus energizing?

Have I placed my own well-being behind the needs of everyone else’s?
If so, it’s time to reclaim some of those tomatoes.

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TAKING ACTION 🍅

Define your narrative.
How do feel about yourself and your life today? How do you want to feel? This is your new compass.

Amplify what already works.
Identify small habits and actions that are already aligned with your compass and choose them more often.

Step outside the old script.
Experiment with new activities that intrigue or excite you—even if it feels uncomfortable.

Keep handing out tomatoes, but with intention.
Share time and resources when giving feels like a gift rather than an obligation.

Hold your ground with grace.
Compassionately, but firmly, set limits. Be patient, you’re rewriting the rule book here—it will take folks a bit of time to catch on.

Claim your share.
Always keep some 🍅🍅🍅 for yourself and let that be non-negotiable.

The truth is, you don’t exist to supply the world with tomatoes.

You exist to live,
to thrive,
and to savor the fruits of your own garden,
all while you contribute to the greater good.