I passed the same woman in three different aisles yesterday at The Fresh Market. Each time I, I heard her making the same sound: “ugghkk.”

As luck would have it, she pulled up behind me in the check out, muttering to herself as she looked around the store and waited her turn. I couldn’t quite catch what she was saying, but her tone still carried that same dissatisfied vibe.

I turned to look for Paul who was wrapping up at the deli to see if I’d need to relinquish my spot. As I did, she smiled and struck up a conversation.

Weather: cold.
Prices: ridiculous. (No offense, Fresh Market, you’re not alone.)
Holidays: busy.

Despite what sounds like a grumbly tête-à-tête, it was actually a delightful little exchange. Bantery, even. We shared a couple of mini chuckles before Paul appeared, and I swiveled back to focus on my turn at checkout.

As I did, she noticed something at the hem of her pant, and I heard that same low-key muttering start back up, “ugghkk, disgusting.”

It got me thinking: how much of this funny, lovely woman’s inner world was weighed down by all that disgust?

No judgment. We all have a broken record of self-talk that plays on repeat, born from our most difficult moments. And as contradictory as it sounds, that negative self-talk? It’s actually a protective strategy.

The tricky thing is, “protective” doesn’t always mean “helpful.” In fact, it rarely means it’s serving us.

Think of the people you know. What does their muttering sound like?

“What the [bleep]?! This [bleeping] thing…”
“U u u g g g h h h, not this again.”
“[Sigh] I just can’t…”

Each of these tells a story.

The “[bleep]” guy? He’s stuck in a blame-and-anger loop.
The “ugh” lady? Trapped in a cycle of victimhood and suffering.
And our “I can’t” friend? Her feelings of helplessness are keeping her in a loop of inaction.

Now for the real question: What does your muttering sound like?
What emotion or circumstance drives it?
And most importantly, what does it provoke—or create—in your life?

Here’s the game-changer: What if you reverse-engineered it?

What if, instead of starting with frustration, defeat, or overwhelm, you started with the feeling you want to have?
What if you chose the action you want to take—and crafted your self-talk to reinforce that?

Reverse-engineering your self-talk isn’t about pretending everything’s perfect. It’s about shifting your inner narrative to support the direction you want to go. Here are a few examples:

Current Mutters: “Ugh, not this again. I always mess this up.”
Reverse-Engineered: Start with the feeling you want—capable, resilient—and say, “This is tricky, but I’ve handled tricky before. I’ll figure it out.”

Current Mutters: “I just can’t. This is too much.”
Reverse-Engineered: Start with a small, empowering action. “Okay, I can do one thing right now, and that’s enough to start.”

Current Mutters: “What the [bleep] is wrong with people?”
Reverse-Engineered: Start with the action you want to take—calm, perspective—and try, “People are people. I’ll focus on what I can control.”

It’s not about perfection or flipping into a relentless positivity spiral (because who has the energy for that?). It’s about choosing self-talk that supports the version of yourself you want to show up as.

As crazy as it sounds, what you mutter, matters.

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Here’s a little video that’s so old the kid in it is probably in college, but it never fails to tickle me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qR3rK0kZFkg